My Journey Into Healing
Spring of 2021
I couldn't take how my life was going anymore. I couldn't understand why I was alive, I couldn't understand why I wrote music, and I started thinking dark. I started thinking about being dead, every day, until I spoke with my therapist about it, and he advised I go to the hospital to be safe.
Early Summer of 2021
out of the hospital, I tried to write music again, but the pain and voices in my head numbed me. I could barely write. I tried, but nothing came out. I tried to sing, mouth open, but no noise left. I was scared of the voices in my head. I would tell myself "I'm no good singer", "I should stop music", "I can't do anything right". So I stopped writing music for months. Then a new voice came in my head:
"If I'm not making music, then why am I living?"
I battled with this thought and shared all the negative thoughts in my head with my new therapist, and we worked on finding the root cause for why I could not write music.
The problem ended up being the voices in my head. The voices themselves made it impossible to enjoy music. So, by slow exposure, I was able to write music without hearing negative voices nagging me down.
Late Summer of 2021
And after many months of practicing gradual music exposure, I found a new sound, a motivational sound, a sound that empowered me: I started writing music for my own mental health. I dedicated every song I wrote towards singing about problems I was experiencing in my life with real solutions I was learning from therapy, friends, family, and (most of all) from myself. The voices in my head transformed as I forced myself to sing positively about the future. I stopped ruminating over thoughts of being a failure and started ruminating over thoughts of resilience! My music became an ear-worm for my own wellness and slowly pushed the dark and negative thoughts away.
Summer of 2023
Years later, I still struggle with my mental health: depression and anxiety. However, I haven't made any plans on my life since that Spring of 2021, and I feel a lot stronger now than I did then. I'm glad to be on a new journey to a brighter future. And I hope to bring you along for the ride!
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At IMANNI Music, we believe in the power of music and self-expression as a means of healing and growth. I hope this article/blog was helpful!
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Have a mentally healthy rest of your day!
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